UnNews:Lib-Tory coalition announce electoral reform referendum

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7 May 2010

Clegg Cameron

Slimy Dave and Nick Who discuss whose fag is going to make the toast and whose will warm the toilet seat.

LONDON, England –- After extensive talks this evening, Conservative Party party leader Slimy Dave and Nick Who? for the Liberal Democrats have jointly announced the agreement to form a coalition government. The negotiations were necessary because no party has been able to rig themselves an overall majority in government in the British general election for the first time since 1974.

The election was carried out under the historical first-past-the-post system, which usually allows one party or other to form a one party dictatorship with the backing of fewer than 1 in 4 of the electorate.

Yesterday's results were as follows:

  • Tories: 23.5% of the electorate, 47% of the MP s in the House of Commons.
  • Nu-Lab: 19% of the electorate, 40% of MPs.
  • Other parties: 23% of the electorate, 13% of the MPs.
  • Too disillusioned to vote: 36% of the electorate, 0% of MPs

Nick and Dave agreed the wording of the referendum question while their fags made them tea and toast in the dormitories. It was then left to The Queen to announce the date for the referendum on electoral reform. A post-it note was also stuck on the front door of Number 10 for the current Prime Minister Gordon Brown to read after he had finished blaming everyone else in the Labour Party for losing the election.

The agreed wording of the referendum will be.

Choose one of the following two options.

I agree that Britain should adopt a fair and proportional electoral system before the next election.

or

I am a Tory.

The referendum will be held on 11 July between 06.00 and 06.30 and the location of the polling station will kept secret so as to protect the referendum from terrorist attacks.

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