UnNews:Lewis Hamilton says he wasn't texting when he crashed his car

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6 February 2013

Nicolescherzinger01

Who wants a boring photo of Lewis Hamilton when you can have this one of Nicole Scherzinger instead?

JEREZ, Spain --

British Formula One driver Lewis Hamilton denies he was 'texting' when he pranged his brand new Mercedes in a lap test at a Spanish Race circuit.

The former McLaren driver had only just driven his new Mercedes Formula One car for less than 30 miles when he hit a tyre wall whilst driving around in circles. Hamilton managed to get out and walk away but left his cellphone in the cockpit. The recovery crew said they later returned the phone to Hamilton but not before having a good look at Hamilton's messages.

Jose España and Pedro Pichestop (using false names to hide their identity) said they saw an incomplete message on Hamilton's sponsored Blackberry phone. They said the message read NIC KORWIR LEWISSSHIIIIIITTTTT. Coño, there was also a photo of a woman on the phone oiling a dipstick and another of rival race driver in green silk boxers Sebastian Vettel pouring a can of Red Bull on his Sony Playstation.

Hamilton01

'Shall we tell him about his phone?'.

When news of the phone's content were made more widely available with the suggestion that Hamilton had his mind on other things were denied by the chippy driver.

"I wasn't texting Nicole [Nicole Scherzinger]. I had written my message before I got into the car so all I needed to do was to press SEND on my dashboard. Perhaps I hit the right button but in the wrong sequence."

When asked what KORWIR, Hamilton declined to answer and was soon gone. According to experts who look at these important subjects, KORWIR means Knickers Off Ready When I Return."

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