UnNews:Leopard devours 11 people in India during fierce showdown before dying
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-microsecond misinformation.
24 July 2011
It is believed that the villagers of the small Indian town of Siliguri had been busy celebrating the festival of Jamshedi Noruz by bathing in a concoction of hot water and the soothing therapeutic herbs of Aloe Vera, Cumin seeds, turmeric and a pinch of salt, when an adventurous male leopard from a nearby forest meandered on in to expand its culinary horizons.
After consuming his fill of Indian cuisine, the snarling adult leopard showed its dissatisfaction of the lousy meal by snarling at forest officials attempting to take him back to where he came from. When beckoned for a tip, the leopard responded in further anger by snarling several times, hissing with horrible fishy cat breath, and proceeding to claw a local man’s eyes out before running off back into the forest.
After an exhaustive search, local policemen found the leopard lying prostrate with its head over a puddle of severley discoloured water in a clearing. A triumphant tracker boasted, "When the beast ran into the jungle, we had to follow it. Lucky for us, having eaten some local people, it left a nasty trail behind it, which made it very easy to find."
The Authority of Indian Death related Stuff (AIDS) has completed in initial inquiry into the leopard's death. Although it is too early to state the definite cause of death, it is believed the leopard had died of what the Indian government calls natural causes; or food poisoning.
Health inspectors were also called to the scene of the meal for a preliminary check on the village conditions. "Although we found that the food being served was relatively fresh, the serving area conditions were quite filthy. We found numerous health violations. All over the floor were food scraps, dead rats and we even found a dirty human baby rolling around in its own filth." Health code violation charges are expected to be laid on the remaining villagers, who are believed to have breached their duty of care in the serving the leopard dodgy Indian food.
- Associated Press "Leopard Mauls 11 People in India During Fierce Showdown Before Dying". Foxnews.com, July 20, 2011