UnNews:Leopard creates bathroom mayhem
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8 January 2007
The unveiling of Leopard, the next release of Apple's OS X operating system, has caused thousands of middle ages Jobs worshippers to run screaming to the white, shiny toilets of the San Francisco venue, opening their wallets and pouring thousands of crisp banknotes straight into the toilets.
Steve Jobs, the turtle-necked "Creator", as called by his followers (or disciples as they prefer to style themselves), said that this was just the beginning of the spread of the Apple doctrine, and heralded 2007 as the second coming of Apple. iSsac McNewton, one of those on a crusade to the restrooms, admired how Jobs entered the stage miraculously as a light emerging from behind a mysterious apple shaped stone - "Isn't he dreamy!" was his only quote decipherable over the sound of flushing.
"Leopard is a release you can really get your claws into...", remarked industry spectators - "...and its not just a pretty face like Vista - you get great new innovative features such as email templates". Critics called the implementation of new features "spotty", and Steve Ballmer, who had just come out of the closet after playing with his Windows Home Server, went as far as to say that it is a "blatant rip-off of the trade-marked patented technology available in Windows Vienna" to the CES’s pool of reporters.