UnNews:Lemonade Stand Suffers in Economic Drop
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Lemonade Stand Suffers in Economic Drop
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Saturday, April 29, 2017, 03:42:UTC)(
21 July 2008
OAKDALE, Illinois: A local business, called Timmy's Lemonade Stand, may be shut down due to the recent economic downturns.
The once prosperous lemonade stand has begun reporting a large dip in profits this quarter: as the price of oil goes up, it seems that people just can't afford Timmy's five cent cups of lemonade any more. Investors are feeling the pain as their stock plummets: for more on this, we interviewed the main holder in the company, Timmy's mother.
"Earlier today, Timmy was doing really great business," she said, looking wistfully out at her son's lemonade stand. "People were happy to buy some lemonade from him on their way to work. But there's just not traffic now. Everyone doesn't want to drive around and relax because of oil prices."
"The fact that it started raining probably didn't help either," she mentioned as an afterthought. "But I still stand by my son's business one hundred percent."
For more information, we arranged an interview with the CEO and main salesman of the company, Timmy, age six. He spoke carefully, picking his words with great caution and discretion. "People came in the morning," he said thoughtfully. "Not anymore." He then proceeded to drink a large quantity of his product by himself and continued to work on his newest business venture, digging a hole all the way to China.
Should Timmy's business be forced to close, Starbucks has plans to buy the land he is currently using to build one of their shops.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|