UnNews:Legitimate Biblical archeologists discover raptor tracks in Jerusalem
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Legitimate Biblical archeologists discover raptor tracks in Jerusalem
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, March 21, 2018, 04:03:UTC)(
6 December 2006
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JERUSALEM, Israel -- Biblical archeologists with legitimate college degrees announced Wednesday that they have discovered irrefutable proof that dinosaurs existed in relatively recent history, and that the world was designed and created by the Lord God in Heaven.
The proof consists of actual velociraptor tracks in mud which hardened at approximately the same time the Savior, Jesus Christ, made his triumphal entry into the city. The tracks clearly show that so-called "ancient" creatures have been improperly aged by the majority of scientists.
"We see this as complete and undeniable proof of the Lord's plan at work," said the Rev. Levi McManus, professor of Theological Interpretation at the Southern Fundamentalist College in Bakersville, Georgia. McManus and his team have been working in the Middle East for nearly seven years, testing the hypothesis that the Bible and its works are true accounts of God's interaction with humanity, and that our world is a direct result of His holy and intelligent design.
"Of course, the Bible says Jesus entered Jerusalem riding on a donkey, and we believe that was the name them Jews used for raptors at that time," said McManus
Among McManus's breathtaking discoveries have been the discovery of the very hole in which the cross of our Lord, Jesus Christ, was placed for his crucifixion, an ancient wooden table proven to be built by Christ's own hands as an apprentice carpenter, and astounding hydrological evidence that proves Jesus truly walked on water.
McManus added, "Anyone who doesn't accept the obvious truth of these discoveries is destined to be judged harshly by God, and can expect a long eternity suffering in Satan's pool of unquenchable hellfire."