UnNews:Legislation passed - Anime banned on its own home turf

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16 October 2006

Goten Blasting

Surprisingly ineffective bolts of some kind of poorly-defined "power."

NAHA, Okinawa Prefecture of Japan -- In a shocking decision, Japanese president, Horiemon, forced legislation through Parliament to ban the "popular" entertainment media known as Anime, as a recent study has shown that it causes severe brain damage.

Invented in 1952 by Canadians, Anime is a crude form of animation where art and story are eliminated in favor of low-cost production. It often features half-human creatures, long-legged schoolgirls with white panties and no noses, and oversized robots with incredible but surprisingly ineffective powers, as well as entire episodes where characters do nothing but threaten to fight each other, but never actually fight.

Ellie

Ellie May, often confused with Anime.

The Japanese quickly grew fond of Anime as a constant form of entertainment to help them forget the soul-crushing homogeneity of their culture and economy. This ban however has brought an end to an era.

Several otaku (roughly translated as "addicts") allowed themselves to be interviewed for this report. Otaku 0281 said "There is nothing left for me, I may as well become a Mormon."

This gaping hole in Japanese popular culture is already being scrutinised for replacements; "Having a Life" and "Kitten Huffing" are slated to become the new national pastime as 93.48% of Japanese now find themselves without hours of panties and robots.

When questioned about his surprise decision, Horiemon stated "Anime? What's anime? Is that the name of my masseur?"

Sephiroth is reported as being kind of angry at the ban of his favourite entertainment and has already killed 379 people in the face today, a record as he hasn't even gotten out of bed yet.

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