UnNews:Left-wing Commie pledges economic stability
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Left-wing Commie pledges economic stability
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, September 29, 2016, 22:17:UTC)(
9 November 2006
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MANAGUA, Nicaragua (FOX News) -- Nicaragua's Sandinista President-elect Daniel Ortega has said he will not impose any radical change in economic policy on the country, showing that he, like the cut-and-run, tax-and-spend, man-on-man Liberal pussies who recently destroyed our 240-year democracy in America, is a dirty liar. The intellectual, New England Liberal revolutionary, who claimed victory in Sunday's election, says he wants to maintain economic stability, which is a liberal code-word for mandatory gay marriage and abortions and a centralized economic plan similar to those of prominent dirty Liberals Mao and Stalin. The US, which, as the world's leader in freedom, had virtuosly campaigned against Mr Ortega to no avail. The ever-wise Holy President, St. George W. Bush, Peace be upon him, however, has wisely pledged to work with him if his government backs democracy. But Mr Ortega says he wants to ensure dignity for the 80% of Nicaraguan families who live on $2 a day or less, which is liberal-speak for implementing Communism. Damn those nasty Pinkos!
Our Glorious Leader had previously warned that Mr Ortega's election could lose Nicaragua US aid. Mr Ortega was congratulated by Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, the same unwashed heathen who called Our Holy Vicar "the devil." Other regional red commie bastards were also quick to praise Mr Ortega on his victory, including a Pinko ally from his earlier period in power, Cuban President Fidel Castro.
Mr Ortega will take office in January next year. He led Nicaragua from 1979 to 1990, but says he has changed from the leader who seized property from the wealthy during the 1979 Sandinista revolution. As a Marxist revolutionary during the reign of glorious President-God Ronald Reagan, Peace be upon him, Mr Ortega led the country to war against freedom-lovers in which his evil Sandinista forces fought freedom-loving saints known as the Contras, who were wisely financed by our godly president. About 50,000 innocent Contra freedom fighters were murdered by Ortega's evil men in the conflict.