UnNews:Lazy student really just doesn’t have time for this
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Lazy student really just doesn’t have time for this
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, April 29, 2016, 10:21:UTC)(
1 September 2006
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“I stayed up all night on this paper,” college junior Amanda Kennedy said. “I just want to get it to print out, so I can go to class and not fail. I really need to pass this class, or I’m never going to graduate.”
“I just don’t know what I’m going to do,” Kennedy said. “My class is in ten minutes and this paper is worth a fourth of my grade.”
Despite being a clear case of karma coming back to bite her in the rear, workers at the Oakbridge University Library were unsympathetic to Kennedy’s plight.
“It’s not my damn problem,” librarian Angelica Heddon said. “Did I wait to the last minute to do my assignment? Did I break the printer? Do I look like I get paid enough for this? I’ll bet you all three have the same answer.”
A technician was called to the scene to repair the wayward instrument, but Kennedy was nowhere to be found.
As of this writing, Kennedy’s grade point average is still unknown.
“I think she’s fucked,” Grissom said.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|