UnNews:Lawyers question legality of asteroid impact

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
Lawyers question legality of asteroid impact

UnFair and UnBalanced

UnNews Logo Potato
Sunday, March 18, 2018, 17:38:59 (UTC)

F iconNewsroomAudio (staff)Foolitzer Prize

Feed-iconIndexesRandom story

14 February 2011


Global ban on asteroid impacts

WARSAW, Poland -- Scientists worldwide seem baffled by the task of averting a catastrophic asteroid-earth impact--an impact such as the one that didn’t really wipe out the dinosaurs (who actually died from disease ages before the asteroid). Science has a lot of far-fetched proposals, yet still no solid and viable course of action in case an approaching asteroid imperils the earth. But much as Al Capone was finally brought down not by the police but by the law, in a similar manner the earth can be saved, not by scientists but by lawyers.

So far, not a single country or religion on earth has a written law prohibiting such a catastrophe, but now the League of Lawyers (LOL) has found a loophole that science has stupidly overlooked: The Rule of Law. The League of Lawyers has proposed that all the nations of the Earth add a new law to their constitutions that specifically prohibits the striking or assault and battery of the earth by foreign bodies such as comets or asteroids.

“Simply make it illegal!” said Manak Rana, Nepal’s Chairman of the Maoist Law Commission and the current President of the Warsaw-based LOL. “If we all pass the same law, all over the world, regardless of religious or political differences, a law that makes it illegal to strike the earth, then it is simple. With the law in place globally, no asteroid has a place to legally strike.

"But it requires total world cooperation!" implored Rana, who also pointed out that in case an asteroid did illegally strike the earth, there would also be legal recourse if a law is in place. “Scientists are stupid!” said Rana. “Haven’t they ever heard of the law? Even a lifeless asteroid is smart enough to obey the law!”

UnNews Logo Potato
This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.
Personal tools