UnNews:Lawyer for Casey Anthony worried about getting paid
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
11 July 2011
ORLANDO, Florida -- Casey Anthony's conscienceless defense lawyer, Lucifer B. Manson, says he’s worried about her safety once she's released from jail after being acquitted for murdering her still 2-year-old daughter, Caylee. “She has to pay my legal fee before she can even think about settling with the devil,” Manson told the media.
The toddler’s cold-blooded murder in May 2008 and subsequent disappearance in alligator infested quick sand a month later attracted unprecedented media attention by morbidly obsessed pedo-necrophiliac viewers around the globe.
Caylee's skeletal remains were discovered on December 11, 2008, over six months after she was murdered by her mother and a full five months after her mother reported the child’s disappearance to authorities in far away Anchorage, Alaska.
Manson told NBC television Monday he doesn't know where Anthony will go when she's released from a Florida jail but said it was important because she owed her soul to Satan as well as Manson’s law firm. Manson said Anthony would need time killing runaway children and selling their organs to raise the $400,000 in legal fees she still owed his firm.
“We are concerned with getting paid,” Manson told the media. “After that, to hell with her. She’s not the only one who sold their soul to Satan to win this case, and, besides, $400,000 is a lot of money!” he said.
Anthony would also require medical training in careful human “organ harvesting” before she can re-enter society after having been unfairly jailed for nearly three years during her wildly popular case. The Casey Anthony trial broke all records for the number of sick bastards who tuned-in to watch the case unfold and refold. Television ratings for the trial exceeded those of both the O.J. Simpson and Jeffrey Dahmer trials combined.
Manson said Anthony's relations with her own parents were “pretty well burned” after the trial, where her defense team contended she was herself murdered at the age of two by her own father. Her father, George Anthony, denied the claims, citing her presence in court as proof that he had never killed her before. Although Mr. Anthony did point out that he should have killed her, a sentiment which almost everyone on Earth agrees with. "If I would have killed Casey back when she was two years old then little Caylee would still be alive today!" Mr. Anthony told the court, remorsefully.
“The fear we have for her safety is two-fold,” said Manson. “We have an understanding with the devil as to when he can have her soul, and we hope he sticks to his word long enough for us to collect our fee,” he continued. “But the real fear we have is Anthony becoming haunted by the ghost of her dead daughter, Caylee, whose spirit is roaming the swamps and hinterlands and must really be goddamn pissed off.
“Jail records show that Casey refused a visit Friday from a small cloaked figure who signed in as Caylee Anthony!” Manson pointed out. “So we clearly have reason to be concerned about getting paid.”
- Staff "Lawyer for Casey Anthony Worries About Her Safety After Release From Jail". Fox News, July 11, 2011