UnNews:Lawsuit against province thrown out: Mayor told to fuck off
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Lawsuit against province thrown out: Mayor told to fuck off
Straight talk, from straight faces
Friday, December 2, 2016, 18:04:UTC)(
1 May 2008
SYDNEY, Nova Scotia -- After a four year long battle with the province of Nova Scotia over equalization payments, Mayor John Morgan's lawsuit against the province has been thrown out. Morgan launched the lawsuit four years ago after pleading with the provincial government for a fair share of the province's equalization money. Both former Premier John Hamm and current premier Rodney MacDonald have repeatedly told Mayor Morgan and Cape Breton to fuck off but Morgan has refused to take no for an answer.
Justice Minister Cecil Clarke told UnNews that "we tried everything to buy him off but he wouldn't take no for an answer. He cares more about the municipality than he does about his own political career. This guy actually cares about his people, I kind of feel sorry for him actually. But we are politicians and we have a job to do. Caring for people is not one of them. Mayor Morgan is in the wrong line of work". Premier Rodney MacDonald who flat out refused to settle with Morgan out of court was pleased that Justice John Murphy had the wisdom to throw the case out without even hearing any evidence. "I knew he would be a good judge when I appointed him" remarked Premier MacDonald. MacDonald, who hails from Cape Breton, said that people on the island should all move down to Halifax and then they'll realize that the island isn't worth fighting for. "It's nothing but a drug-infested shithole" remarked MacDonald. When asked about Halifax's problems with drugs and gangs despite its relative economic success, MacDonald said he had "no comment".
Morgan, being the pest he is, plans to appeal the verdict and take his case to the Supreme Court of Canada. Unfortunately he will need the approval of council, which is rumoured to have some members in it that are calling for his overthrow. Still Morgan is hopeful for the future of the island and says he will never give up fighting for what he believes is right.