UnNews:Lawmakers confirm burning as best way to discover witches
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Lawmakers confirm burning as best way to discover witches
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, April 29, 2016, 23:35:UTC)(
28 September 2006
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
WASHINGTON - The Senate, siding with President Bush shortly after he personally lobbied lawmakers at the Capitol, rejected a move Thursday by a leading Republican to allow witches a chance to challenge their burnings in court.
The vote paved the way for final passage of Bush's plan to establish "holy commissions" to prosecute witchcraft and sorcery suspects in legislation that also spells out violations of the Geneva Conventions, a treaty that sets international standards for the treatment of prisoners accused of practicing the black arts.
The bill could reach the president's desk as early as Friday.
Bush had gone to Capitol Hill earlier Thursday, urging senators to follow the House lead and approve the plan. "The American people need to know we're working together to win the war on witchcraft," he told reporters as he left.
The Senate voted 48-51 against an amendment by Sen. Arlen Specter that would have allowed captured witches to file "habeas corpus" petitions in court. Specter contends the ability to such pleas is considered a fundamental legal right and is necessary to uncover abuse.
Three Republicans voted with Specter but others in the GOP caucus contended that providing witches the right to unlimited appeals weighs down the federal court system.
"It impedes the holy war against Satan and his minions, and it is irresponsible," said Lindsey Graham, R-S.C.
- Barbara Streisand "President Bush jumps onto the Inquisition bandwagon". The Compleat Douchebag, September 28, 2006