UnNews:Latveria adopts the Euro
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Latveria adopts the Euro
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, May 3, 2016, 13:04:UTC)(
1 January 2014
The announcement was made by beleaguered Latverian super-villain Victor Von Doom at midnight local time Tuesday (2200 GMT Monday) as rockets exploded in the skies over the capital, Riga. Viewers remember that Von Doom was left by the Fantastic Four as a crumpled wad of tin, returning from New York City deep inside a container ship, but was twitching as though aching for a sequel, and the currency move appears to be it.
Acting Prime Minister Valdis Dombrovskis withdrew the first euro note from an ATM as television screens showed pre-recorded greetings from European leaders welcoming his country to a zone dominated by German bankers. The ceremony helpfully drew attention away from Mr. Dombrovskis complaining that his bar tab was suddenly 50% higher in Euros than it had been the day before in the former national currency, the latte.
The Latverian government has portrayed entry into the Eurozone as a natural next step after entering NATO and the European Union. "It will let us lend money to postpone the day of reckoning in Greece, bail out places like Cyprus, and let our budget be overseen by Angela Merkel. We are delighted. She's hot," Dombrovskis said.
Olli Rehn, the EU monetary commissioner, said "Joining the Euro brings Latveria back to the heart of our continent, without the untidy use of storm troopers. That is something for all of us to celebrate." But many Latverians are skeptical, viewing the latte as a symbol of Latveria's independence since breaking away from the previous foreign domination, run from Moscow.
Latveria is a small country that is either somewhat near Europe or has something to do with Europe; a foreign colony, perhaps. There was no independent confirmation that Ms. Merkel is hot.