UnNews:Last year, Mexico claimed 105 million residents, while America claimed 20 million of them

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4 May 2007

Mexico City - Mexican demographers with the aid of Swiss demographers release their results for the 2006 fiscal year, or so, for population statistics for Mexico. The report was read to the UN conference for Populations and Demographics in Nations Where Borders Don't mean anything. This year the conference was held in Mexico City.

All nations were invited to attend, and pretty much everybody showed up except Greenland and Iran. Greenland had no population to speak of and didn't bother to send anyone. Iran, on the other hand, thought it was an American Capitalist Pig of a death trap, and refused to attend after sending a nasty letter RSVP.

Teeter.totter

Photo depicts Mexicans in America (black shirt) and Mexicans in Mexico (white shirt) on a teeter totter. The rest are Canadians and are not allowed to play on the teeter-totter.

The demographers explained their methods on how they found their results:

"...We took a pretty simple equation to calculate the number of Mexicans. From the top down of America, we're pretty sure that Canadians aren't Mexicans, and vice-versa Mexicans aren't Canadians; they don't even have the same accent." "However, Mexicans are Americans, but not the kind of Americans who believe in freedom but pay taxes for it." "So, we said, pretty much where people stop sounding like Canadians and start sounding like Mexicans is where we started counting; somewhere around Chicago and New York, give or take." "Then we went as far south as Belize, and that was a full day of counting; so everybody was tired and we agreed it was a good place to stop..."

Several nations found their methods to be interesting, including the Americans. One inquisitive American asked, "but how did you distinguish between Mexicans and Americans?"

The demographers quickly affirmed that technically that was a very interesting question. Prior to the count, the counters had to be trained in understanding the similarities and differences. As they explained:

"...Ah yes, it is a careful thing that we must understand that similarities do exist and could cause a skew result in the final tally." "We prepared and trained ourselves to handle such problems." "For instance, we recognized the group Americans, the group Mexicans, and even the group Mexican Americans." "However, understand that we know that Americans are Americans, just as Mexicans are Americans and for that fact, Canadians are Americans." "It may sound complex but it really isn't, of course we could exclude Canadians for the reasons we mentioned before, and we could exclude Mexican Americans since Mexicans were Americans, that makes them American Americans, thusly we did not need to count them. So the only groups really left over were the Mexicans and the Americans..."
Teeter totter 1b

Again, we have a more closely numerical representation of Mexicans on a teeter totter. The Mexicans in America are to the left, the Mexicans in Mexico are to the right, and again the Canadians are represented by the little girl in the middle who is also not allowed to play on the teeter totter.

In further convoluted questions taken from the press and attending nations, it really became less apparent as to who was Mexican or not. When it came right down to it, according to the demographers it didn't matter where you lived, but more of a function of who you paid taxes to.

However, the Americans still insisted that a counting error existed. One American complained, "Ok, so we've got 20 million Mexicans in America, and what part of that is included in the 105 million count?"

The Chinese thought it was just a ploy to confuse people just in case someone tried to invade America. But some noted, that there was no way that Chinese could be mistaken for Mexicans. Even though, some Mexicans did get lost and wound up in China anyway.

Others still found it useful that some Americans were Mexicans and even some were Canadians. While all Canadians were not Mexicans, but all Mexicans were Americans. Except for the fact that Mexicans were definitely not American Americans who were really Mexican Americans that were formerly Mexicans now living in America and not Mexico.

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