UnNews:Last week something disappeared
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Last week something disappeared
Straight talk, from straight faces
Saturday, July 30, 2016, 13:05:UTC)(
14 August 2006
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
UN, Department of Missing Things -- In an urgent press conference held by the UN, it was revealed that an unidentified object disappeared during mysterious circumstances. Formally, it is not known what has disappeared or if that object was merely moved to one side or the other. Also, there are currently no known suspects for the object’s disappearance that was previously not accounted for.
"We have taken photos and used our best forensics," says one investigator, "currently we are looking down all avenues. Also, we are considering freak weather phenomena as a potential reason for the disappearance. Just in case, we are taking photos of other nearby suspicious locations where the object really may have been, and finally disappeared from. Without any eyewitnesses, we are doing all we can."
"Unfortunately, we are not capable of tracking freak weather occurrences," says meteorologist Cal Firth of the Fifth of Forth weather office, "our equipment just isn’t capable of tracking that sort of thing. That includes satellites, radar, and this handy thermometer."
According to the UN it is not known what is missing as records do not show what object on their list of existing objects as not being represented by their emergency inventory check. Some initial theories include that the object may have been moved, but got counted somewhere else so that the inventory showed no discrepancies. Another theory is that the object was never where it was once thought to be, and that empty space was always there.
"Again, better record keeping may help us and this just may be a lesson for our future. We may have to account for our empty spaces as much as we do our objects."
Some other investigators believe that empty space may have appeared out of nowhere and caused the confusion in the first place.
- Yuri of the former KGB