UnNews:Lance Armstrong new spokesman for Uni-Ball
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Lance Armstrong new spokesman for Uni-Ball
A newsstand that's brimming with issues
Friday, September 4, 2015, 06:01:UTC)(
15 June 2012
"Uni-Ball and me have a great deal in common," Mr. Armstrong said in a press interview. "We represent the same lifestyle; the same spirit, the same essential qualities."
Uni-Ball's previous celebrity endorsers included Lance Bass and Dick Van Dyke, but after several ad campaigns, Uni-Ball management decided that these personalities didn't adequately represent what Uni-Ball stands for.
"There's something about Lance Armstrong that means 'Uni-Ball' to people," said Dick Saxe, a Uni-Ball spokesman. "It's a quality that's hard to quantify," he explained, "but people remember that Lance Armstrong means 'Uni-Ball'".
The new ad campaign, which will be featured in major international magazines features Mr. Armstrong and the words "Everywhere I go my Uni-Ball goes, too". This will be followed by television ads featuring Armstrong promoting the Uni-Ball lifestyle.
For its part, the Uni-Ball company hopes to launch a new product line themed for the active person who enjoys a challenge. "Lance Armstrong stands for every man," said Mr. Saxe, "and everyone wants to be like Lance Armstrong." The Uni-Ball company is confident that men will see Lance Armstrong's Uni-Ball and want to have the same thing.
The Uni-Ball corporation is banking on Armstrong's support to reach a brand new audience. Their existing customer base has been large corporate customers. Individuals don't yet see having a Uni-Ball as a status symbol or a way of differentiating themselves.
Lance Armstrong said in an interview with UnNews "Uni-Ball is a product that I personally support. Nothing would make me happier than have everybody in America--or around the world--realize how nice it is to own a Uni-Ball. There's nothing like the streamlined feel of holding a Uni-Ball in your hand."
Indeed, many industry experts say that a Uni-Ball is easy to handle, slips neatly into your pants, and is less likely to get in the way. There's general agreement that Uni-Ball is an excellent choice for many people.
Asked if he's looking forward to his association with Uni-Ball, Mr. Armstrong added. "Of course. I can't wait to go out in public and have people point at me and say 'There's Mr. Uni-Ball!'." "It's sort of like being Suzy Chapstick!"