UnNews:Laika's Ghost Returns, Pissed Off
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Laika's Ghost Returns, Pissed Off
A newsstand that's brimming with issues
Saturday, July 2, 2016, 07:37:UTC)(
3 December 2011
"Bark bark," barked Laika's ghost. "Bark bark. Bark."
She continued, "Barka Barka Bark!"
The large crowd that formed around the ghost dog was taken aback by the inflammatory remarks.
"Vladamir Putin is not a homosexual!" yelled one angry Russian.
In response, the ghost dog made a really mean sounding growl.
Eventually, security forces appeared in order to keep the angry crowd from pelting the apparition. As the crowd was held back, Laika continued lambasting Russian politicians until she grew bored, pooped, sniffed her poop, and then ate it.
"She's probably pissed," said Mike Lezoskzy, a professional ghost dog analyst and there to witness the historic event. "Dogs are never happy when you send them on suicide missions to space."
As day turned to night, the crowd became more rambunctious.
"Hey Laika, why don't you just go FUCK YOURSELF!" bellowed the same angry Russian.
"Aw sheeeit you gonna take that Laika?" said a passerby. "Maaaan, what a bitch!"
Mike Lezoskzy ran to pat Laika's back. "Don't listen to those assholes," he said.
The analyst's advice seemed to have been taken, as Laika was turning away from the angry crowd.
"Ain't no thang Laika, ain't no thang," Lezoskzy said.
However, Laika quickly turned back and pieced in the angry Russian with her right paw.
"AWWW SHEEIT!" yelled a local Russian who filmed the assault. "Imma put this on RUSSIAN WORLD STAR HIP HOP!"
"Woof Woof, THAT'S MY DAWG!" said another.
"Damn, you're such a G, astronaut ghost dog." said Lezoskzy in approval.
"Bark Bark." barked Laika as she wagged her tail.
And then she vanished.