UnNews:Lady GaGa and Goo Goo Dolls team up for world tour
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Lady GaGa and Goo Goo Dolls team up for world tour
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, June 24, 2016, 23:42:UTC)(
4 March 2011
NEW YORK CITY, New York -- When you thought the music industry couldn't get any worse, a glimmering ray of light breaks through the smog of Autotune, drunk women, girls who kiss other girls and liked it, and the rest of today's horrific menagerie that populate your radio's airwaves. That is, if you still do listen to radio.
It was announced after the preview of Lady Gaga's new song Government Hooker at the Pageant for the Severely Obese in Paris, France, that the pop culture "sensation," fashion "designer," and self-styled dictator of America would be hiring esteemed 1990's alternative and punk-rock band The Goo Goo Dolls.
This duo is scheduled to begin the Goo Goo GaGa World Tour starting in early October, right after when September ends. The tour starts off in Afghanistan, and is set to end in Zimbabwe (visiting each country in alphabetical order). It is reported that the concerts have already been sold out in Eastasia, Eurasia, Euthanasia, and Oceania. A complimentary vinyl record that nobody can play anyways and a set of terribly remixed Europop songs is given as a deluxe complimentary gift, hopefully to offset the Tour's exorbitant cost for tickets.
The Goo Goo GaGa Tour will have a loose storyline depicting Lady Gaga trying to indoctrinate the members of the Goo Goo Dolls into believing that they are a reborn race of pygmy homosexual aliens attempting to take over the city of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania for a large omnipotent artificial intelligence (who is not as hot as Cortana). The greatly awaited moment in the concert is an altered version of Gaga's latest single "Born this Way." The lyrics have been guarded by two Beluga whales who are sentient and can walk on land; however, it has been reported that the line "Dont be a drag/Just be a queen" has been changed to "Don't be a douche/Just be a bag." This has not been confirmed, though.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|