UnNews:Lack of Manpower, US Army Reenlists Dead
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Lack of Manpower, US Army Reenlists Dead
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, April 28, 2017, 14:27:UTC)(
10 January 2007
Washington DC, USA --When George W. Bush declared that the USA will send additional troops to Iraq, army officials had been shocked. Even now, the US Army is suffering from a lack of manpower and is desperately looking for veterans to reenlist. On Tuesday, the Army surprised the public with the message, that they had managed to reenlist nearly 5000 army veterans in the last days, which would be enough to allay George Bushs blood thirst for the moment.
Unfortunately, some burocratic problems have to be solved before all of this veterans could return into military service. The major problem is: 327 of them had officially been declared dead. Most of them had died in bombing and other attacks in Iraq the last years. "This guys are treated like everyone else!" Army representative Major Jim Ryan said. "Dead or not, they had been members of the US Army. It isn't that we own their souls or something, but by the moment they had signed the contract, we owned their souls!"
Most citizens agree to the armys point of view. For Example, William Tucker, leader of the "Movement of Texan Cowboys eating too much meat and shooting in the air against clichees" said: "The army is damn right! They could fix this damn thing pretty damn soon or they have to take hillbillies like me!"
But there had also been voices who criticised this decision. Members of both the Democrats and the Democrats called on the army to stop this veteran reenlisting and instead start calling people with an IQ down to 60 to arms. "We are sorry, but that won't help." was the Army's response. "That wouldn't open us up new target audiences."ybrY More criticism came from the French Ambassador. Although the army doesn't want advise from foreigners, some people said that they should perhaps listen to France. It France don't know how to lose a war, who does?