UnNews:LaToya Jackson missing since Thursday
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?|
28 June 2009
ENCINO – Members of the Jackson family today announced that LaToya Jackson has been missing since Thursday, the day her brother Michael Jackson died.
In a statement released by the family ”Michael told his caregivers on Thursday morning, just as he was receiving his pain medication shot, that he last spoke with LaToya that morning and that she was besides herself with grief for everything she had caused the family over the past twenty years since she burst onto the world stage, and that she would take herself into exile to atone for her sins.”
It should be noted that Michael and LaToya were never seen together. The two talked frequently, however rivalry kept them apart at the same functions.
While birth records for the rest of the Jackson children can be found, no record of birth for a LaToya Jackson can be found in the Gary Indiana heath records department.
According to Jermaine Jackson, “Latoya just showed up one Christmas when Michael was down with a cold. I thought that Tito (Jackson) had hired a hooker, but she claimed to be family, so we let LaToya into the fold.”
”It is LaToya’s wish that we not try and find her, that she wants seclusion, and that she would prefer that her memory faded away while venerate the memory of Michael.”