UnNews:Kylie Minogue cancels tour dates after costume "malfunction"
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15 January 2007
Manchester, England -- Ten fans were injured and two killed after Australian pop princess Kylie Minogue was forced to postpone her tour yesterday. Horror struck after the pop queen's seventeen ton feathered hat slipped, then fell into the crowd. The incident happened just 45 minutes into the latest concert of her sell out"Still here y'bastards" tour, during a rendition of her controversial 2001 hit "Spinning About (lah-lah-lah lah-lah-lalah-lah)".
Events started after her hat slipped over her face. Unaware of the impending danger Kylie professionally attempted to continue her performance as sixty techinicians frantically tried to reattach the hat back onto its moorings. However, despite everyones best efforts the head-piece then suddenly fell into the crowd, crushing two instantly and maiming ten others
"One minute she was gyrating around like a whirling dirvish and the next her hat broke free from its moorings and we were all in a right old muddle I can tell you!", said one of her spokespeople,"I for one found it hilarious.". As pandemonium ensued Minogue was whisked off stage where the rest of her costume was removed using a crane hired from the port of Felixstowe.
Safely wearing a pair of jeans and T-shirt this morning Kylie was apoplectic with apologies, "If I had been informed of the potential dangers of my costume I would have worn a felt beret or something" she said.
The incident will no doubt reignite the debate on the safe use of exuberant stage costumes during live rock and pop concerts. Memories were invoked of the tragic Elton John concert in August 1975 when his laser glasses vapourised twenty fans after technicians accidentally left them on kill setting.