UnNews:Korean cluster-fuck: Experts ponder unwanted pregnancy
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Korean cluster-fuck: Experts ponder unwanted pregnancy
A newsstand that's brimming with issues
Saturday, July 30, 2016, 18:58:UTC)(
28 March 2013
SEOUL, Korea -- It's Asia's ponderous worry: a problem child being conceived from an extra-marital cluster-fuck between the two Koreas. Realistically only anarchists believe the rebirth of “Korean War Bastard II” is imminent, yet such martial escalation could advertently lead to wholesale loss of life as a desirable primary effect.
With the Korean peninsula the world's largest hostile environment zone after East Los Angeles, and the second largest foreign intervention zone after Cuba and the Middle East, environmentalists say tensions between the two jealous lovers could stimulate global weapons markets leading to greatly improved war outsourcing and record profits.
- iReport: Have your say about the North & South Korean crisis
- iReport: Have your say about the North & South Uncyclopedian crisis
- iReport: Kim Jong Un claims Uncyclopedia named after him
Now that North Korean leader Kim Jong Un's testosterone level, irrationality, and penchant for ignoring the political will of his wife are being debated, questions arise: what were his motives for the recent nuclear missile test on his own country? And what was behind his bellicose vitriol expressed in the movie,Olympus Has Fallen? Such fiery dialog would be considered extreme even by George Dubya Bush’s sanctimonious “War President” standards.
Presently, Pyongyang is not believed to have sufficient missile-mounted nuclear warheads to totally depopulate planet Earth, but it may have within several decades, or centuries, or perhaps millennia. Experts who have carefully studied the strategy put forth in Olympus Has Fallen believe the North has plans to build enough rockets to be able to hit every small town in the continental USA by 2396 AD.
On a more positive note, Kim’s releasing another movie showing him attacking America would guarantee more corny Hollywood retaliation flicks and even possible cameos by Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone. But if the Un-child in Pyongyang were overthrown by a real atomic war the positives would be expansive. South Korea would gain in the north a land connection to the Eurasian continent that would be a barren, desolate and hostile radioactive wasteland every bit as barren, desolate and hostile as before.
Given the destructiveness of global banksters who control the war machine, and the dense populations of both Koreas, experts’ hope that “Korean Apocalypse II” never gets born. Otherwise the casualties mounting within a short time would be unlike anything we have seen before: thousands in seconds, millions in minutes, and billions in hours. The gang fighting in East Los Angeles would pale in comparison.
- Repeater "Korean nightmare: Experts ponder potential conflict". CNN, March 28, 2013