UnNews:Klansman's home targeted by gunman
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Klansman's home targeted by gunman
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, March 21, 2018, 19:16:UTC)(
12 March 2009
TEXAS, USA -- Amarillo resident William Blackhater reported that an unknown gunman peppered his home with 9mm bullets during the early hours of Wednesday morning, causing damage to the external walls of the building and to his cars which at the time were parked in the driveway. Mr. Blackhater told UnNews that he is "a proud member of the Ku Klux Klan" who flies both a Klan flag and a Confederate flag in the garden of his house.
Claiming that he has never threatened anyone with violence, he says, "It seems some people see the Klan as a threat, but it just ain't so. I'm just taking pride in my race and in my American heritage - if more people did that, the US of A might not be in the state in it today." Mr. Blackhater is an European-American.
The KKK is misunderstood, he explains. "The Klan isn't about hating a section of society or a specific individual. We believe in live and let live. We just want to preserve our heritage and commemorate all those heroes that made our country great. I'm saddened that some people get upset by that."
Amarillo Police investigated the incident, but are as yet unsure if the attack was random or if Mr. Blackhater was targeted specifically. "I understand that there's a lot of crazy liberals around who disagree with our ideals," the victim said, "but, you know, I don't go around shooting at them. Klansmen are not violent people, we want to live in peace and we try to provide good examples to others."
In responce, UnNews mentioned the recent spate of cross-burnings and incidences of homosexuals and African-Americans being physically attacked in the area recently and asked if these were intended to act as examples, but Mr. Blackhater declined to answer further questions.
Ironically, if police can establish that the shooting did in fact take place due to Mr. Blackhater's Klan membership, the incident is likely to be considered a hate crime. "We just try our best to ensure our town and the whole State of Texas remains a place where citizens can display their beliefs without fear of attack or retaliation," police chief and Imperial Wizard Bob Lynch told reporters.