UnNews:King of Pop To Be Buried In The Valley of the Dolls
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
King of Pop To Be Buried In The Valley of the Dolls
A newsstand that's brimming with issues
Wednesday, May 25, 2016, 18:55:UTC)(
6 July 2009
The burial of Michael Jackson 'The King of Pop' will now be carried out in the Valley of the Dolls , San Fernando Valley, Los Angeles, California.
Chosen for its remoteness from civilization, the Valley of the Dolls - also known as Porn Alley , Adult Entertainment Vegas or simply 'Wood Canyon' - was chosen by the Jackson family to avoid tomb raiders and Angelina Jolie. This is a change of plan from their original idea to build a pyramid in the grounds of Neverland. However this has been ruled out because there is a danger it could fall down the next time San Andreas moves his butt crack.
Nothing has been officially confirmed, said Joe Jackson - father of the late Pharoah of Pop. We want him to be buried with honours and to make sure all merchandise sales come direct to the estate of Michael Jackson. We don't want it to be a glitzy, poor taste affair but the family will be there to sing one more time with Jackson on the raised platform before he is buried. We have asked all our fans to go to the website http://what-should-we-sing-at-michaels-funeral.com with a secure credit card facility to allow fans to express their surrow by chosing which song the family should sing. The song that gets the highest vote - will be the winner .
According to newspaper reports, Jackson's tomb will also include full size waxworks of Diana Ross , Peter Pan , Elizabeth Taylor and James Brown to guard his remains . Also inside will be gold discs , clothing, food , canopic jars for canapes and a team of volunteer orphans to keep the King entertained in the next life. There will also be a facility to add Bubbles once he dies.
If the decision to bury Michael Jackson in the Valley of the Dolls goes ahead, the local funeral trade suggest this could encourage other celebrities to have their own elaborate tombs. It could in time rival the Valley of the Kings in Egypt but be a lot safer.
- Los Angeles Times