UnNews:Kids directing air traffic at JFK airport
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Kids directing air traffic at JFK airport
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, November 27, 2015, 20:36:UTC)(
4 March 2010
NEW YORK CITY, New York -- Tragedy was barely averted last month when the FAA uncovered a heinous terrorist plot to ruin the good order of air traffic controlling at John F. Kennedy Airport. An air traffic controller and his supervisor are on administrative leave and under investigation for an incident that officials are calling, "an appalling lack of vigilance and parenting skills." What transpired is currently classified while the investigation is pending. An anonymous source, John Joseph Evans III of maintenance at the FAA headquarters, wished to remain unnamed due to the fact that he is not authorized to discuss the incident or speak to the media, but was kind enough to shed light on the incident to UnNews.
"What happened was James [the air traffic controller] brought his twin kids to work that day," said our anonymous source. "They were happy to be there, but it was soon apparent to me that these were no ordinary children, they were terrorists!" When asked how he knew this our source stated, "Well, they began to play with the instruments and dials. The they got on the radio and cleared a plane for takeoff! Clearly they're Al-Qaeda operatives trying to disrupt the order of the skies and create chaos!" When asked the twins ages, our source shrugged and then stated, "I don't know, six, maybe seven years old? Isn't that sick, using small children for their evil terrorist activities!"
Dave Pascoe, owner of the website that brought the recordings to light and a registered pilot, had a different view of the incident. He asserts that the attention the incident has drawn is "ridiculous" and it has been "blown out of proportion."
In one recording, a child can be heard saying, "JetBlue 171, cleared for takeoff." A man is then heard telling the plane, "Here's what you get, guys, when the kids are out of school." The pilot chuckles and says, "Wish I could bring my kid to work." The same pilot later tells the child, "Awesome job." During the recording, the child also speaks to an apparent Air Mexico flight. FAA spokeswoman Laura Brown later said the incident took place about 7:30 p.m. February 16. Pascoe said most people "in the aviation community felt like this wasn't anything more than a noble thing, that a father would take his kid to work. And when you listen to any of the recordings, the situation in the tower is very controlled. There is no hint ... that anyone was too busy or anyone was interrupting the planes ... It was very controlled, and I don't think safety was compromised, nor should anyone be disciplined for this," said Pascoe.
Many others were taking a different view. Kill All Terrorists, also known as KAT, released through their spokesman a prepared statement on the incident. "We are incised by the humane and fair treatment of these terrorist scum. The father should also be implicated with his terrorist offspring as should his supervisor. We support immediate execution."
Republicans in Congress who wanted to appear tough on terrorism were quick to condemn the incident as well. Rush Limbaugh also came out on the air against the perpetrators. "These terrible excuses for Americans have brought ruin, ruin I tell you, to our venerated air traffic controlling community. I fully support the movement to deport these horrible excuses for human beings to secret a Pakistani
torture facil prison."
The FAA has announced that a preliminary hearing is underway and a verdict on the future of the two employees at the FAA will be determined very soon.
- Mike Ahlers, Jean Shin and Susan Candiotti "Air traffic controller, supervisor on leave after kids talk to pilots". CNN, March 3, 2010
- ↑ Actual incident dialogue lifted from audio