|This article is part of UnNews||Straight talk, from straight faces|
2 November 2006
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
WAL-MART, USA -- Just days after its Tuesday release, Kevin Federline's debut rap album, Smells Like Kevin Federline, is already in the bargain bin at every retail store carrying the title. In fact, a Best Buy spokeman had this to say,
"The album never hit the shelves; too risky. We decided to put it in the bargain bin even before the release party. This will show that no-talent ass clown what we think of his music."
-Best Buy spokesman on the fact that Kevin Federline's album is already in the bargain bin
“This no-talent ass clown can't rap to save his life. Don't we have enough anti-music in the world? Paris Hilton? Justin Timberlake? William Shatner? If you want to buy an album you can truly laugh at, and have it contain real music on it, check out the new "Weird Al" Yankovic album, Straight Outta Lynwood!!! Al is my homeboy, man.”
Then Fox proceeded to dance to the Yankovic smash hit, "White & Nerdy." The ad has been highly criticized by Federline. "It's got to be a joke," the unrapper recently quipped. Then he began to unleash his most horrific song to date... "Popozow."
Not one copy of the album has been purchased by any human being. However, about three monkeys have bought the album, paying only with bananas. Federline and wife Britney Spears were recently asked to comment on the album's imediate failure. They declined to comment, but Federline's manager, Kenny G, had this to say:
“He even puts me to sleep! I'm only managing this loser for the money. Unfortunately, the album flopped big time. I guess I'll go back to making crappy music of my own.”
The album failed to chart on Billboard's Top 200 Albums, peaking as low as No. 666 as of last week before it was even released. Federline's label, Jive Records, has pulled Kevin Federline's second and subsequent albums from the schedule, stating, "He will not work in this town again if I can help it. Somebody get me a doctor, my ears are bleeding!"
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|