UnNews:Kermit and Miss Piggy to marry after 19 year separation
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Kermit and Miss Piggy to marry after 19 year separation
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, September 25, 2016, 10:39:UTC)(
26 September 2013
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Fans of the longest love affair in Muppet history will be reaching for their hankies and plastic gloves with the news that Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy have agreed to marry after a 19-year break.
Kermit, who has lived in Washington since the early 1990s and twice ran for U.S. President under the name of Ross Perot, said that he recently contacted Miss Piggy when someone mentioned there could be money from People Magazine in it. Despite rumours that Kermit 'swam on the other side of the lilypond' when it came to the fairer sex, the evergreen naked amphibian said he was happy to welcome Miss Piggy back.
"When the show ended," said Kermit, "I and the other male members of the Muppets decided to live the rest of our lives in a museum. I did try to make a comeback as Ross Perot but the USA wasn't ready for a politician who not only looked like a frog but sounded like one too. Dealing then in pork barrel politics of course reminded me of my former love but now I am prepared to give it another spin."
Miss Piggy, who like Kermit had switched from children's television to US politics, said she had decided to leave Barack Obama's government, as the First Secretary Pig was more cautious about a reunion. Practising her karate moves and strangling with a period feather boa she said:
"I love my little Kermie but you know that he jilted me at the altar and then refused to let me join him at their retirement home. Nineteen in pig-years is a very long time and, though I have kept my looks, even I know there will be a time to bring home the bacon. So that is why I am going to live with Kermit and marry him."
When Kermit was informed that Miss Piggy was returning in the belief he was to marry her, he was seen to violently gulp several times.
- Staff "Kermit and Miss Piggy to live together after long break.". ABC, September 26, 2013