UnNews:Kentucky woman killed by snake in church obviously "sinner"
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Kentucky woman killed by snake in church obviously "sinner"
Straight talk, from straight faces
Monday, June 27, 2016, 13:25:UTC)(
8 November 2006
LONDON, Ky. - A sinful woman got bit by a snake at a church that neighbors say practices serpent handling died of her wounds hours later, a newspaper reported. She had apparently broke several of them Ten Commandments, although church officials refused to specify which ones.
Linda Long, 48, was bitten Sunday at East London Holiness Church, where neighbors said the reptiles are handled as part of religious services, The Lexington Herald-Leader reported Tuesday.
"She said she was bit by a snake at her ignorant hillbilly church," said Lt. Ed Sizemore of the Laurel County Sheriff's Office.
Handling reptiles as part of religious services is illegal in Kentucky. Snake handling is a misdemeanor and punishable by a $50 to $100 fine.
Police said they ain't never received any reports of snake handling at the church.
Snake handling is based on a passage in the Bible that says a sign of a true believer is the power to "take up serpents" without being harmed. So the woman's death was obviously a result of her sinfulness, because the Bible is the true and holy word of God, who pretty much never lies.
Church officials quickly run off inta thuh woods t'hide out.