UnNews:Karr freed in JonBenet case: "Oops, my mistake!"
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Straight talk, from straight faces|
28 August 2006
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
BOULDER, Colorado -- Prosecutors abruptly dropped their case against creepy motherfucker John Mark Karr in the slaying of JonBenet Ramsey and released him Monday after Karr, upon seeing a photo of Ramsey, said, "Oops, my mistake. I didn't kill this one. Must have been somebody else." DNA tests also failed to put him at the crime scene.
The move came just a week and a half after the 41-year-old schoolteacher was arrested in Thailand and put on a plane to the U.S. in what was regarded as a remarkable break in the decade-old murder mystery that had cast suspicion on JonBenet's parents. Suspicion has quickly been placed back on the parents.
District Attorney Mary Lacy said Karr emerged as a suspect in April after he spent several years exchanging e-mails and later telephone calls with a Colorado professor in which he sort of admitted responsibility for the slaying.
According to court papers, Karr told the professor he accidentally killed JonBenet during sex and that he tasted her blood after he injured her vaginally, which you gotta admit is pretty fucking creeptastic.
But Karr's insistence that he made a mistake, and the fact his DNA didn't match samples from the crime scene, throws his whole story out the window. "Karr said that's why his saliva wasn't mixed with the blood in the underwear," Lacy said in court papers.
She also said authorities found no evidence Karr was in Boulder at the time of the slaying.
Karr was released from custody by the Boulder County sheriff, who said California authorities had not asked for him to be detained to face child pornography charges in that state. Karr's whereabouts were not immediately known.
Defense attorney Seth Temin expressed outrage that Karr was even arrested.
Lacy defended the decision to arrest Karr. She said that there was no way to take a cheek swab unless you placed it on the head of a small Thai boy's penis. It would still would have probably alerted him that he was under investigation, and that would have created an "unacceptable risk that he would flee."
Also, prosecutors detained Karr after he began to describe an interest in several girls in Thailand "in much the same terms that he had described his interest in JonBenet," Lacy wrote. "Which is what probably confused him."