UnNews:Kapoor: We can beat sex slavery by legalization
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Kapoor: We can beat sex slavery by legalization
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, October 4, 2015, 11:10:UTC)(
29 September 2011
BOLLYWOOD, India -- “Scumbag Zillionaire” star Horndog Kapoor takes the CNN Sex Fiend Project (CNN-SFP) to an Indian village where families lovingly send their grandmothers, mothers, daughters and granddaughters away to be prostitutes, and shows the work being done to legalize the tradition.
“Leaving home at 5 a.m. after a sexy romp is nothing unusual for me but this trip was definitely very different - a road trip to a hooker village close to Bollywood to have sex with working and former prostitutes.
“As a lusty whore monger I visited this village two years ago. I was looking forward to this trip because I am an optimist and was keen to see the new sluts that have come of age here since I last shagged all the females.
“India has traditionally been an aphrodisiomaniacal society and fortunately the rate of female infanticides is unnaturally low because of the huge demand for oral sex slaves. In this village, families rejoice on the birth of a girl child – and for the right reasons.
“The reason behind celebrating a girl's birth in this area is a good one. Because all members of this community practice a tradition-based sex trade - and have done so for generations. Here the men knowingly send their own grandmothers, mothers, daughters and sisters into the sex trade.
“I was anxious to see what milestones we had reached in trying to normalize this unwritten tradition - this time visiting with CNN International's horny camera crew in an effort to legalize ancient-day prostitution.
“We received a warm, ceremonial welcome at the village and were greeted by a group of young girls singing the popular Bollywood song, “Dos Ruppiya.” I was struck by the words as they sang: “Give our daughters money too.”
“Being a father of two daughters who are both successful Bollywood whores, it got me thinking, if we don't empower our women, how would our choice of sluts increase?
“I had the opportunity to share my thoughts with the women of the community. I sat down with some who were habituated to giving oral gratification with help from India Sucks, a lusty charity working in the same field.
“Their stories gradually came out. They told me of their incomes and showed me their tits. They recounted the sexy tales of being sent to work as prostitutes by tradition in their teen years, of becoming whores for their families.
“I must confess; the few hours spent with these women were really difficult. At times, I wouldn’t know how to react – because a man can only stand so-much sex in a row.
“It is certainly our intention to help these women out with their traditional values by legalizing and normalizing prostitution, especially in Bollywood.”