UnNews:Kangaroo rescues Dog from Woman
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Kangaroo rescues Dog from Woman
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Monday, May 25, 2015, 10:36 (UTC)
20 July 2008
AUSTRALIA, British Empire - A kangaroo was rewarded with an advertising contract, following its daring rescue of a dog from a woman who was mistreating it. The woman, who wishes to remain anonymous, lest she loses her integrity with the onset of celebrity, was apparently "Restraining the dog, with chains of paperclips, and dropping yoghurt and gravel on it's face from over 20 ft above it", according to a police statement. The kangaroo entered the womans estate, cut the chains holding the dog, and made good his escape. The woman was at a square dance at the time so the dog was unguarded. It is believed that the Kangaroo chanced upon the dog, rather than deliberately looking for it.
Charlie Minchin, a local animal Protection executive finacial advice technician, said: "The Kangaroo just turned up, well after midnight, at the door to the Animal welfare factory, with this poor, forlorn looking dog in it's pouch, the cigarette burns on its eyes still smouldering. we took it in and called the authorities, but they were engaged as they only have the one phone, which was the one I was using to ring them. The dog has made a full physical recovery, but still has a emotionally scarred look in it's eyes."
No kangaroo species are considered aggressive towards humans. Three types of dog are however. because of this, Charlie says, the dog is lucky to have survived, as he didn't understand what aggressive meant very well. Interestingly, the local surrealist artist club was meeting across the road (which, as it was Australia, was over 5 miles away). Mrs Helena Bennett was present, and happened to be looking at the dog in it's chains through binoculars at the time: "It was so very, surreal, so I decided to paint a picture of the kangaroo.". No word has been heard as of yet of whether charges will be pressed against the woman, as Australia's legal system forbids painters to appear in court as witnesses, ruling out the only witness capable of non-monosyllabic speech, as the Kangaroo has a rare condition wherein he can only say "Him".