UnNews:KONY 2012 pacifists demand war to neutralize Lord of the Ants
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
9 March 2012
KAMPALA, Uganda -- The mildly absurd heart-twisting viral video campaign to raise global illusion of a small-time Central African Ant Lord is attracting criticism from Ugandans who said Friday that the 30-minute video was simply a Corporate funded and Hollywood produced PR PSYOP aimed at turning the anti-war left into warmongers. The campaign by hoodwinked group the Invisible Ants to make Joseph Kony an Internet bombshell blacker than even Rebecca Black has received erroneous attention on YouTube and other corporate-controlled Internet sites. Only Unnews refuses to be fooled by such blatantly moronic war propaganda.
A week ago few Americans knew who Joseph Kony or his Killer Ant Army was. But with a dumb ass video gone viral raising ignorance about Kony and his little group's cruelty to insects, now the gullible pacifists have ants in their pants. But critics inside Uganda said the video ignores the ugly truth of a complicated history that made it possible for Kony to enjoy the notoriety he has today as a YouTube Meme. They also lamented that the video does not inform viewers that Kony originally was waging war against Uganda’s genocidal army, whose human rights record is a million times more brutal by comparison -- yet the West did nothing about that.
“There is no historical context. It’s more like a childish Psyop aimed at converting the simple-minded pacifists into simple-minded warmongers,” said Timothy Kalyegira, an unknown social critic in Uganda who once published a newsletter called The Uganda Entomologist.
Kony’s Ant Army began its attacks in Uganda in the 1980s, when Kony -- at the time himself just a child -- sought to overthrow the Western backed murderous government which had slaughtered his family -- including his great-grandmother, grandmother, mother, daughter, granddaughter and great-granddaughter -- in hot blood (strangely leaving him quite alive). Since being pushed out of Uganda's jungle several years ago Kony continues to force killer ants to commit heinous attacks, such as eating all the flesh off a tax collector in 15 seconds flat, and even polishing the bones.
In the years when Kony’s Ant Army roamed northern Uganda, the genocidal government was often accused of failing to do enough to capture or kill Kony, with some government investigations showing that army officers were too busy raping babies with bayonets, just for fun, to bother with Kony.
Olara Otunnu, a former U.N. diplomat who worked with ants in armed conflict, has long accused the Ugandan government of committing insectocide in northern Uganda as it pursued Kony. Invisible Ants said in a statement posted on its gullible website that it defends any and all human rights abuses committed by the Ugandan government. But it simply cannot tolerate Kony’s heinous treatment of bugs.
The invisible ants said: “The only proper way to stop Kony and protect the killer ants he targets is to coordinate efforts for an armed invasion by the West, and, coincidently illegally take control of yet another resource rich African Nation -- with specific intent to deny access to the Chinese government.”
Ogenga Latigo, a politician not even from Uganda who previously led the opposition in Uganda’s Parliament, said the Invisible Ant’s perspective was too narrow to understand an insurgency that displaced thousands of bugs and in which at least 200-300 ants were killed or abducted. “Theirs is a narrow perspective,” he said of Invisible Ant’s work. “They just want the war to proceed so that they can take over our country. They care nothing of our killer ants -- it is pure war propaganda at its most preposterous.”
Latigo said that the Ugandan government, by failing to deploy enough soldiers to prevent Kony from abducting ants over the years, had been partly responsible for the rebel entomologist’s success as an Ant Lord.
“Our position is always clear. We told the government, ‘There are not enough soldiers available to tackle the ant problem -- the soldiers are still far too busy committing human genocide since before Edi Amin was the last King of Scotland,’” he said.
Meanwhile Unnews couldn’t give an ant’s arse. If NATO wants to start another war aimed at usurping Africa’s natural resources and blocking the Chinese, then just go and friggin' do it, but cut the ant-brained bullshit. We may be total idiots, but we're certainly not stupid.