UnNews:Justin Timberlake sues Britney Spears for making sexy out of style
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Justin Timberlake sues Britney Spears for making sexy out of style
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, September 30, 2016, 07:25:UTC)(
22 September 2007
Chicago, Illinois -- This week pop star Justin Timberlake filed a lawsuit against ex-girlfriend Britney Spears over the welfare of sexy. Somehow in the early 2000's sexy had lost its luster. It was last year that Justin Timberlake redefined sexy, thus placing his new trademark on sexiness in general. Apparently, Britney's embarrassing performance at the VMAs last Sunday violated that trademark, throwing sexy out of style and undoing all of Timberlake's hard work.
Obviously, shaking her pooch around was far from sexy. However, her latest single, Gimme More, actually did well on the charts the past two weeks, proving sexiness is no longer a major factor.
In an interview on The Opera Winfrey Show, Justin commented,
|“||I worked my finger to the bone so that us good-looking people could get by easily. We don't need icky, nasty singers like Britney soiling the good name of Pop. What am I supposed to do now? Put effort into my music? Nigga please.||”|
Justin isn't alone in this. Fellow musicians, ex-lovers, and various Mouseketeers are supporting the War On Sexy. Even Britney's own ex-husband Kevin Federline is backing Justin on this one, both as payback and also since he has nothing better to do these days.
Spears has also received overwhelming support from the homosexual community, particular the ones on YouTube who live with their grandmothers. Surprising, fellow former 'N Sync member Lance Bass sided with Britney, say Justin was "just being a bitch".
Although she refused to sit down to an interview with UnNews, her hair-stylist Sanjaya Malakar had this to say:
|“||Although Justin is right about the importance of sexy, he should have realized that bad performances don't necessarily affect a singer's success. It all comes down to talent. Trust me on this one.||”|
The stylist then broke down in tears, leaving this reporter to comfort him. He then gave this reporter a new due. It was nice.
The trial of Spears vs. Timberlake is set to take place on the 28th. Meanwhile, Justin is plotting how to bring sexy back once again. An agreement was made that he will drop the lawsuit with Britney if she'll televise another passionate kiss with Madonna. This arrangement would work out for everyone.