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Justify wins Triple Crown

Where man always bites dog

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Saturday, September 22, 2018, 01:50:59 (UTC)

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13 June 2018

Crazyhorse

Triple Crown winner Justify, shown just after being told he will go to stud at the end of the racing season.

NEW YORK, New York – Justify has won the Belmont Stakes convincingly and by so doing has also won American thoroughbred racing’s Triple Crown. He is only the 13th horse to earn that honor although that figure does not include several NASCAR racers and one very fast chicken.

His jockey Mike Smith stated, "In my humble estimation, 'twas was an estimable victory for this exceptional equine specimen, thus giving the lie to his earlier detractors. This is quite the felicitous occasion." Justify’s trainer Bob Baffert stated, "[Phony humility statement] [something about how great the horse is] [well-worn platitude] [stupid joke]". Belmont racetrack President Spencer Menswear said, "[Great honor] [blah blah blah] [one-for-the-ages line] [something nice about racing fans proving racetrack hypocrisy] [naked self-advertising comment]."

A minor controversy arose among reporters who know less than a flatworm about whatever they're writing about, when Restoring Hope, another Baffert trainee, appeared to block potential challengers to Justify early in the race. Jockey John Velasquez noted, "That was definitely the plan, otherwise why would you ride (Restoring Hope) like that? Believe me, for all the years I’ve been doing crooked stuff and fixing races, I should know." Yet no jockey’s protest was made with the racing stewards, probably because they were all busy cashing their tickets on Justify after the race. Several other jockeys noted, "[Excuse for their horse not winning] [lame excuse] [the track was cuppy] [damning winner with faint praise]."

Justify will now go on to challenge WWE wrestler The Undertaker in a cage match in Houston on an unspecified future date.

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