UnNews:Judge says Saddam a "heckuva great guy"

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
Judge says Saddam a "heckuva great guy"

Straight talk, from straight faces

UnNews Logo Potato
Monday, March 19, 2018, 01:56:59 (UTC)

F iconNewsroomAudio (staff)Foolitzer Prize

Feed-iconIndexesRandom story

14 September 2006

Problems playing this file? You might be a dope.

Saddam Hussein, looking rested and fit, shortly after his acquittal.

BAGHDAD, Iraq - The chief judge in Saddam Hussein's genocide trial said Thursday that Saddam is a "heckuva great guy," and that "genocide" has an unfair negative connotation, since face it, the world would obviously bebetter off without certain groups of people (you know who).

Judge Abdullah al-Amiri made the remarks in a friendly exchange while playing a game of Monopoly with the deposed leader, a day after the prosecution said the judge should step down because he is biased toward the defense.

Saddam and his co-defendants are being tried on charges of committing atrocities against those lying, low-life, scumbag Kurds in northern Iraq nearly two decades ago. And really, who can even remember that long ago?

Questioning a Kurdish witness Thursday, Saddam said, "I wonder why this man wanted to meet with me, if I am a dictator?"

The judge interrupted: "You were not a dictator. People around you - like Donald Rumsfeld and your death squads, for instance - made you (look like) a dictator."

"Thank you," Saddam responded, bowing his head in respect.

Two hours after the comment about Saddam, al-Amiri abruptly postponed the session until Monday for what he called "technical reasons," without having heard from a third scheduled witness. No further explanation was given, other than, "Saddam and I are scheduled for an intimate lunch and I wouldn't miss it!"

Al-Amiri heads the five-judge panel that oversees the trial and will deliver the verdict. The panel will vote on guilt (yeah, right!) or innocence and a majority decision will be final.

A Shi'ite Muslim, al-Amiri has served as a judge for 25 years — but unlike many judges during Saddam's rule, he was not a member of the ruling Baath Party, a fellow judge in the Saddam tribunal said, speaking on condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to talk to the press, but he did anyway, so there.

Al-Amiri worked as an investigative judge, then a prosecuting judge in a Baghdad criminal court. Some members of such non-political courts were not required to be Baath members, but it obviously didn't hurt. And now here he is, ready to let Saddam off the hook.

Court spokesman Raed Juhi acknowledged in a news conference later that al-Amiri may have misspoken, but it "does not affect his objectivity" or the outcome of the trial.

"I can easily find this delightful gentleman, Mr. Hussein, innocent without bias of any kind," said al-Amiri.

Personal tools