UnNews:Journalists finally released after humiliating 13-day hazing in Gaza

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27 August 2006

Taft-era-lincoln-bedroom

Taken by one of the kidnappers, this picture truly shows the extent of the Wikipedians' cruelty and perversion.

GAZA CITY--Two UnNews reporters were released today from a hotel in Gaza after a 13-day capture by armed Wikipedians, which included "extreme acts of ritualistic hazing" according to one journalist.

The reporters--36-year old Olaf Wiig and 60-year old Steve Centanni-- were dropped off nearly two weeks ago at a Holiday Inn hotel by Uncyclopedian security officials. After greeting two Palestinian journalists, the two hurried upstairs to try on Centanni's new blouse, when they were suddenly seized by three militants possibly working for Wikipedia at the time.

Then the hazing began. According to the journalists, they were transported to a local high school football field, where they were immediately stripped to their undies and taunted by cheerleader and jock alike. Afterwards, the two journalists were forced to spank one another repeatedly until one of them submitted (detailed pictures can be found on the Wikinews main page); Wiig suffered extensive red-bottom throughout the entire process, and had to be rushed to the hospital shortly thereafter for "treatment".

Perhaps most disturbingly, the journalists were held at gunpoint by the Wikipedians, and forced to make several statements on camera, including that they had converted to Wikipedia, and that Centanni was a gay necrophilic emo-Nazi who ate babies. The two reporters were greatly tramautized by the events of those 13 days.

It is yet unknown exactly who the Wikipedians were, though they have been linked to the notorious Wiki-Qaida; if this is so, this would not be the kidnappers' first conflict with Uncyclopedian reporters, as a similar incident had occurred ten years ago in an Uncyclopedian embassy (though at that time, Wiki-Qaida was thought to be working with Encyclopedia Dramatica).

After the incident, Centanni had only one thing to say: "It was so humiliating--they covered my friend in lard and made me spank his left cheek with a pizza paddle. I prayed for it to end, but it wouldn't. And then came the cattle prods..."

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