UnNews:Journalist takes a drink out of the tap
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Journalist takes a drink out of the tap
Straight talk, from straight faces
Wednesday, August 24, 2016, 21:50:UTC)(
30 January 2007
WELLINGTON, NEW ZEALAND - An UnNews journalist, thinking of what to write this day, took a drink out of his bathroom tap. Containing a high di-hydrogen monoxide (DHMO) content, the water was fairly tasteless and only had very slight traces of iron, a common substance found in the Whanganui River. The action of turning on the tap causes the journalist to exercise his hands.
At roughly 11:50am NZDT, the journalist felt thirsty and required a drink. What then took place was a dramatic series of events; the journalist walked into the bathroom, turned the cold tap on, and placed his mouth under the tap. "It was quite an invigorating experience," claimed the journalist, interviewed just after he refreshed himself. "I just placed my head under the tap and experienced what it would be like to feel good."
Noting the high DHMO content, refreshment was easier. "The smooth, invigorating, water just flowed down into the stomach." Due to low iron content, the water was also very drinkable, and the journalist "could keep drinking for longer." In many cases when iron has invaded several water supplies the journalist has taken a drink out of, he "could not handle that horrible shite for very long at all."
By turning on the tap, the journalist managed to help towards his daily exercise. "I need to exercise more often. These taps are a great opportunity for me to do that." He also managed to help reach his target by standing up and walking 5 metres in total. "It's a very good opportunity for me to get off my lazy ass."
After enjoying his experience, the journalist made a final statement: "It is something that everybody must experience once in their lives."
Meanwhile, religious guru Darth Vader is longing to pee since he got into the black suit. "I have not seen my penis since the rise of the Empire." Emperor Palpatine is expected to devise a mechanical urine dispenser by 2010.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|