UnNews:JonBenet suspect rates airline food
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||We distort, you deride|
21 August 2006
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
LOS ANGELES, CA -- The new suspect in the Jon Benet Ramsey murder case, John Mark Karr, spent Sunday rating the food quality of Thai Airways. The noted culinary expert was treated to a 1st class meal by the investigators accompanying him. "I really can't think of a better way to spend US tax dollars," commented agent Mark Spray.
The 10 hour flight from Bangkok to Lost Angeles featured three meals and a light snack. Nervous airline officials say they have previously catered to many distinguished palates, but never to the likes of confessed murderers like Karr. The chef even served a rare 1973 bottle of Chateux Murdereux Champagne, which the suspect approvingly described as "pleasing to the senses, with a nice touch or apple and raspberry flavor."
The main course featured roast dog, exotic vegetables, and steamed rice grown from paddies in northern Bhutan. King prawn was served as an appetizer. As a special treat for Karr, he was offered a slice of chocolate cake - which was the last thing JonBenet ate before her death. "the rich, creamy taste really brought back some memories," wistfully commented the suspect.
Overall Karr was very pleased with the meals provided by Thai Airlines, but was disappointed that there were no oranges available on board. "That is my favorite fruit," he said, "I even ate one just after strangling JonBenet on that fateful night 10 years ago." FBI agents were deeply apologetic for the omission and promised him there would be plenty of oranges available in his holding cell in the U.S.
Next on Karr's itinerary is a flight from Los Angeles to Boulder, Colorado. Many domestic airlines are vying to book his flight, each offering a wide array of delicious meals. The suspect still hasn't revealed his final choice, bur rumors have it he will choose American Airways because of their specially imported peanuts. "They are the same ones he enjoyed at the Pratunam sex-change clinic in Thailand just last month," revealed investigators.
Meanwhile, O.J. Simpson, long ago acquitted of the murders of his wife Nicole and her friend Ron Brown, is now said to be contemplating admitting to the crimes. "I could really go for some roast duck and first class air travel," he explained.