UnNews:John Travolta gay claims mount up after found riding space needle
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John Travolta gay claims mount up after found riding space needle
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, May 29, 2016, 13:34:UTC)(
6 December 2006
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INNSBRUCK, Australia -- John Travoltas fading defence about his sexuality is coming more under public scrutiny as the aging star was found straddling the Seattle space needle last night. According to inside sources, Travolta surprisingly did not order smokey sausage as he often does whilst visiting restaurants and instead opted for a beef salad with thick white cream.
Claims have mounted over the past months as Travolta's antics have come out into the public domain. One event in particular, which shocked the public was when Travolta used a genetically altered mole to provide fellatio whilst at a hollywood premiere. Other events such as Travolta having sex with lots of women whilst shouting "Man i love to have sex with women" have been deined, after his twin, John Ravioli admitted to the event being filmed for Jay Leno's private collection.
Travolta, who is an avid pilot, has often been known to ride phallic shaped planes around in the sky, and land them in small airports which have brown patches of land and small black holes, despite the fact they are over hundreds of miles away and often run down. The all-female airport staff at bonus tunnel airport said that he was very polite, and after asking them all to take audits in his plane, join scientology, he flew off unexplainedly after sighting a playgirl calendar.
The event peaked today, when travolta was absent for over 4 hours, which coincided with the loud gay screams which were heard, later found to be not from travolta when a group of scientology paid investigators were able to ascertain that it was not him through brybe technologies. So far, the space needle has sent travolta a bill for the cleanup which has been attatched to a wal-mart bill for 200 kilos of vaseline.
We may never know.