UnNews:John Terry pulls out of rest of 2008/09 season, citing hectic sponsorship schedule
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John Terry pulls out of rest of 2008/09 season, citing hectic sponsorship schedule
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, May 27, 2015, 14:08 (UTC)
13 November 2008
London, England: Chelsea captain John Terry has ruled himself out of the squad for the rest of the season, fearing football could interfere with his attempts to sell Samsung products. Terry recently injured his ankle while trying to perform juggling tricks in an ad for a Samsung TV, and worries the gruelling Premier League season might hinder his recovery enough to stop him pretending to play football in future commercials.
Terry is upset to be missing out on leading the Blues for the rest of the 2008/09 campaign, but has comforted himself with the knowledge that his relaxation time during this time will be far more strenuous than actually playing would have been.
“It will be tough dropping out of Chelsea’s defence,” Terry conceded. “But this will allow me to focus entirely on defending something else – Samsung’s market share.” His decision has already won him an endorsement from the Catholic Church, discouraging the use of condoms as part of their ‘Just Pull Out’ campaign.
Meanwhile, England boss Fabio Capello was unphased when hearing of Terry’s departure. “John has dominated the England captaincy for years,” he said. “So his departure really opens the way for some other arrogant cunt to step into his spot – like Steven Gerrard.” Terry responded with an obscene gesture that only makes sense to British people.
- BBC "What a pity". [[wikipedia:|]], November 13, 2008