UnNews:John Kerry apologizes for being a lousy comedian
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John Kerry apologizes for being a lousy comedian
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, July 28, 2015, 06:05:UTC)(
1 November 2006
WASHINGTON - Sen. John Kerry apologized for "a botched joke" about President Bush's Iraq policies that led Bush and fellow Republicans to accuse him of insulting U.S. troops. Some pussy Democrats in close races assailed Kerry, while others called the flap a ploy by the GOP to alter its fortunes in next week's midterm elections.
"Of course I'm sorry about a botched joke. You think I love bombing like a B-2, man?" Kerry said during an appearance on Mickey and Gonzo's Morning Zoo nationally syndicated radio program. "I mean, you know, the whole thing is pretty f'in' stupid."
Kerry, D-Mass., said he was at a standard college gig Monday and he was doing some topical shit, working the crowd, and he pops a joke about how college kids who fuck up their midterms get a free plane ticket to Iraq with their fail slip.
"Which is like, true, you know?" Kerry explained. "And I guess my delivery was off or something, and I get a few polite laughs and a lot of crickets, so I recover and switch to my pussy-eating material, which always kills. I didn't think that much about it until later, when I start getting all this shit for it."
On Wednesday, he said, "I'm sorry I screwed up the joke. It's new material, and still needs some work." But he also said the White House was purposely twisting his words and asserted that it is Bush who owes troops an apology for a misguided war in Iraq.
"I'm sorry that BushCo has totally boned us and Iraq. That's what I'm really sorry about," he said. "The reality is, when I bomb, it's not innocent women and children. And it's not like I'm a big homo, diddling underage Congressional pages or anything, either. Boom, daddy! That's right! In your face, G.O.P.!"