UnNews:Jimmy Wales found to have lied about credentials, asks self to resign

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Jimmy Wales found to have lied about credentials, asks self to resign

Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?

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Saturday, August 19, 2017, 03:57:59 (UTC)

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4 March 2007

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The hammer of Wiki CRUSHES j00!

WIKIALITY, St Petersburg, Friday (UNNpedia) — In a stunning and horrifying turn of events on top-10 social networking site Wikipedia, founder Jimmy Wales has been found to have fibbed to a New Yorker reporter about his favourite color, as discovered when the New Yorker filed a correction to an interview with him when he was at grade school.

Jimbo failed to make himself available for press interviews on the matter, being high in the mountains of Tibet and out of contact with civilisation at the time. His initial reply, sent by cross-Himalayan semaphore, of "wtf? srsly" served only to stoke the fires of discontent.

Reaction was fast and spurious, with posters to the English Wikipedia mailing list expressing how deeply saddened they were by this terrible turn of events, and that he should promptly strip himself of all powers on the wiki and fire his own ass from his project.

"We have called for a Request For Lynching," said administrator WikiViolin451. "Unfortunately, some people have unhelpfully commented on it that we're acting like a rabid mob and that piling shit on shit on more shit is unlikely to achieve more of anything that would actually be worth having happen. Which shows terrible bad faith in our bad faith, and is undoubtedly a personal attack. So we removed those dissenting comments to show the unity of our feeling on the matter."

Lara "Stillwaters" Sanger did not miss a golden opportunity for comment. "It's obvious Jimbo should have been intimately aware of each and every individual edit and action on his stupid project. I certainly am on mine. So he should have known better than to make a comment on the matter that showed anything less than total awareness. Waiting until he was actually back in radio range of civilisation before dealing with these IMMENSELY important matters of wikiality shows how terminally doomed the Wikipedia project is, and why my wiki, ChineseDemocracyDium, will be so much better, when it appears. Any month now!"

Wikipedia administrators called for calm. "The moon has returned. I repeat, THE MOON HAS RETURNED. With the sacrifice and repeated flogging of the pieces of the corpse of Jimbo, the Great Red Demon that Ate The Moon has coughed it back up again. If you keep trying to sacrifice the thin film of Jimbo cells on the asphalt, the Great Red Demon might eat YOU next. So cool it."


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