UnNews:Jimbo steps into Uncyclopedia Cabal race
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Jimbo steps into Uncyclopedia Cabal race
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, November 29, 2015, 11:05:UTC)(
16 January 2007
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SECRET UNDERGROUND LAIR, Saint Petersburg — Totalitarian Dictator Jimbo Wales is taking the first step towards an uncyclopedia cabal run, raising the possibility that uncyclopedia's cabal will get its first new leader in more than a century.
Mr. Wales, best known for his role as Totalitarian Dictator of the People's Democratic Republic of Wikipedia, said on his website that he had formed an exploratory committee, which would allow him to raise money and hire staff for the run.
He is one of the party's rising stars, having electrified the 2006 Uncyclomania Conference with a powerful 230V speech. He opposed the war in Euroipods and has shown a preference for avoiding conflict through cabal actions and unilateral decisions.
In a video announcement posted on his website, he said Uncyclopedians wanted to move beyond partisan politics to find common-sense solutions to problems, and he believes that his sense is the most common.
"Uncyclopedia's cabal has become so bitter and partisan, so gummed up by disagreements and influence, that we can't tackle the big problems that demand solutions", he said, "We have to change our cabal, and come together around our common interests and concerns as Uncyclopedians." “Running for cabal leader is a profound decision – a decision no one should make on the basis of anything less than personal ambition alone", Mr. Wales continued, “So before I committed myself and my family to this race, I wanted to be sure that this was right for us and, more importantly, right for Uncyclopedia.”
edit Personal History
Mr. Wales, immortal, has generated unusual excitement in Uncyclopedia since he was first seen in public holding a Sophia™ action figure at last year's Uncyclomania Conference, even being described as the sexiest titular head Uncyclopedia's minority cabal faction has ever seen.
His 2006 conference speech touched on his view of the future of Uncyclopedia and how he believes we will be able to deliver a more potent humour product to the unwashed masses in the years to come through totalitarian management. This included radical plans for feature by decree, cabal meetings to choose admins, post limiting by party affiliation, and the removal of all voting, since it "gums up the works".
He said he would make a formal announcement on February 10th as to whether or not he would run for cabal leader.
Mr Wales is considered one of few Totalitarians who could engage the support of the cabal members and persuade the remainder through bribery or force into supporting his ascension.
edit Now or Never
Mr. Wales has publicly stated that "Uncyclopedia is at a crossroads", and explained that, "my leadership over the coming years would help shape our future for the greater good." To buttress his argument he points out "The time to reign in the unwashed masses is now! Until we have fully secured absolute control of Uncyclopedia, the danger to our humour and way of life will never end. There is no better time than now to realize my vision for the future."
- "Jimbo Wales running for Uncyclopedia cabal leader?". Uncyclopedia Times, January 16, 2007