Jimbo Wales is GAY, Claims Journalist
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, July 5, 2015, 21:35:UTC)(
10 January 2013
Free Uncyclopedia USA -- According to a recent report from Free Uncyclopedia, Evil Wikia OverLord Jimmy Donal "Jimbo" Wales is a homosexual. One of our reporters claims that the article in question said something to the effect of:
- "Mr wales is gay. he is the worst webhost ceo EVER he suxs. He deleted my boobie pix!!!! because i didn't follow some gay terms of service policy. Even though it wasnt my fault. i dot like him and noibody does because he is gay and stupid and ugly and retarted and fat. i wish he will gats firedfrom his job and goes to the conservapedia or a gay retared place. he is GAY GAY GAY GAY!!!!! HE IS SO BAD. I HOPE HE GET SOME HEPATITIS B."
"To be fair, those weren't the author's exact words. I could look up the article and copy the article verbatim, but I'm too busy at the moment. However, the above summary captures the essence and tone of the original article," said our reporter.
"Mr. Wales homosexuality comes as a shock to us, although we aren't surprised," said an UnFree Uncyclopedia political analyst. "Many of Wikipedia's staff are open homosexuals, and everyone knows that only gay people edit wikis. However, we never expected Mr. Wales to contract Hepatitis B. We assumed he would diseases more common among the wiki editing community, such as HIV, Asperger's syndrome, or acute butt-hurt."
Continuing on, "Mr Wales' alleged level of homosexuality also caught us by surprise. We imagined that we would gay, or may even GAY GAY!. The journalist in question, however, asserts that Mr. Wales is, quote 'GAY GAY GAY GAY!!!!!' That is gay 4 times in all caps with 5 exclamation points. Even Oscar Wilde's level of homosexuality only justifies gay repeated three times with as many exclamation points. To put this in perspective, Wales' homosexuality level has one more exclamation point than BUTT POOP!!!!."