UnNews:Jesus Sues Mel Gibson For Plagiarism
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Jesus Sues Mel Gibson For Plagiarism
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Monday, December 5, 2016, 09:01:UTC)(
31 July 2006
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JERUSALEM, Israel -- Actor Mel Gibson was shocked to find out today that Jesus H. Christ had filed a lawsuit against him. Jesus claims that Gibson has plagiarized his entire life in Gibson's film The Passion Of The Anti-Semitic Actor, which Gibson claimed was autobiographical.
The lawsuit is reportedly for more than $80 million, plus the costs of punitive damages. The case will start in the next few weeks, and will be held in a small New Jersey circuit court. It is rumored that Gibson has hired Johnny Cochran to represent him, while Jesus has hired God to be in charge of the prosecution. Many speculate that this will be an open and shut case, as God has never lost a lawsuit. However, Cochran has other ideas. "I brought a few bloody gloves, just in case," he said.
In Gibson's film, the story is eerily similar to Jesus' life. Gibson strongly insists that the film is original, but certain scenes have many experts believing otherwise. The most referenced scene is when Gibson was supposedly born. There are many coincidences between this scene and the birth of Christ. For example, Gibson's parents names are The Virgin Joseph and Mary. There are many other similarities throughout the film that led Jesus to press charges.
When asked about the lawsuit, Jesus was visibly upset. "This is infuriating," Christ told reporters. "All I need is another goddamned imposter." He also stated that Gibson "Was never even crucified, the liar", and openly challenged him to a fight, saying that he is "A complete f***ing p*ssy."
Suprisingly, Gibson seemed uninterested by the lawsuit, and shook it off, essentially blaming it on the Jews. "It's probably the Jews' fault one way or another," Gibson stated. "After all, they're at the root of almost anything bad that has ever occured."
Despite his nonchalant attitude, Gibson may have reason to worry. If charged, the jury would have two options. In addition to the $80 million he would have to pay Christ, Gibson would likely be sentenced to ten years in prison, or eternity burning in Hell. Of course, this is ultimately not the jury's decision, because God has the final say. "I will do everything in my power to crucify him once and for all," God said.
This is not the first time Jesus has sued someone. Just months ago, Christ sued Al-Zarqawi for slander. And we all know what happened to him.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|