UnNews:Jesus Christ endorses Obama
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Jesus Christ endorses Obama
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Monday, June 27, 2016, 16:54:UTC)(
29 May 2008
WASHINGTON D.C. -- Iconic religious figure Jesus Christ earlier today endorsed democratic nominee front-runner Barack Obama. This came as a shock to many Americans, in particular atheists. Christ, who has inspired billions of people throughout the years, much like Obama, this year said that Obama offers change he can believe in.
Many right-wing analysts found a democratic endorsement shocking and quite frankly baffling. They thought because of issues like abortion and gay rights Jesus would side with John McCain. Jesus responded with the following:
“Why do I care if gay people get married or not? Gay men are going to bang gay men no matter what the law says about getting married. Might as well let them do it. Sure they'll go to Hell, but that's not my fault. Also I'd like to take this opportunity to distance myself from George W. Bush whose endorsement of me over the past near decade has been the equivalent of a Wright or Hagee.”
Political analysts believe that Christ's endorsement of Obama will help him win the Christian vote but may only hurt his standing with Jewish Americans, who dislike Obama for treating Israel on an equal level with other nations and having the middle name of Hussein.
The Clinton camp responded in minutes to this high-profile backing.
“Though we respect Mr. Christ we don't feel that we necessarily need him to win this election. After all he is a radical and a heretic. Not to mention his father (God) is an elitist, who thinks he's better than people just because he created the Universe. Some people like Judas believed that Jesus would overthrow Rome and it looked like that for a while but let's keep in mind that he was crucified before that could happen, who knows, it could happen again.”
This outraged many Christians on both sides of the political spectrum. They said her comments were insensitive to the Holy Trinity and that she was insinuating she wouldn't mind having Jesus crucified to help her win the democratic nomination. Hillary Clinton at a rally in South Dakota was quick to explain her comments.
“ With Jesus being attacked by unscrupulous entertainers around the world, and Easter not too long ago Mr. Christ had just been on my mind a lot. I apologize to Christians everywhere and to the virgin Mary, whom I'm sure did not want to be reminded of that horrible incident, especially not for political gain. ”
Obama and Christ told people not to worry about her comments and that they took no offence. Christ however did mentioned to one reporter for the USA Today that whatever happened to Mrs. Clinton was not his fault.
- Unkown "Clinton claims: RFK assassination reference unrelated to Obama". CNN.com, May 25, 2008