UnNews:Jesus And 10 Prostitutes Found Dead In Hotel Room
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Jerusalem, Israel - (19/01/2005), Jesus Christ of Nazereth or as he is commonly known 'Our Lord and Savior' has died.
Initial reports suggest that Mr. Christ was found dead at around 10am this morning by cleaning staff at the Jerusalem Comfort-Inn. Found with Mr. Christ were the bodies of an estimated ten young women, believed to be prostitutes. At this point, Police are refusing to release any official details of Mr. Christs' death, although Detective Winston Peters of the Jerusalem Police, who asked to remain annonymous, said that evidence suggested that Mr. Christ died some time between 11pm last night and 2am this morning from a suspected jam overdose. Det. Peters went on to suggest it appeared that all eleven dead had absorbed lethal doses of jam anally.
Staff at the hotel have indicated that Mr. Christ and large numbers of prostitutes often congregated in the hotels bar before retiring to Mr. Christs room. Staff indicated that they have long suspected Mr. Christ and the prostitutes indulged in large amounts of jam and other illicit drugs. "I cleaned his room last time [Jesus Christ] was here I found this awful smelling sticky white stuff all over his bed sheets, and I found a prostitute passed out on the toilet, also covered in that sticky mess" said Ms Jennifer Lopez, a housekeeper at the hotel. Ms Lopez went on to state that "I don't know what jam looks like, but what else could it have been?".
"This is a terrible waste", Said Jesus' father Joseph Christ "I can't believe this has happened again, a jam overdose has needlessly taken yet another member of my family" said Joseph Christ, referring to the recent death of his wife Mary, also from an anally-administered jam overdose.
Police at this stage have not ruled out foul play. "How the fuck should I know? Do I look like I fucking know everything? Fuck off!" said one uniformed officer at the scene.
Jesus is survived by his father Joseph and 14 children, all born to prostitutes. In liue of flowers, Mr. Christs family request that donations be sent to The Village People.