|This article is part of UnNews||Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?|
25 April 2010
THE HEARTS OF MEN, Earth -- In the age of Pilates, gym memberships and home workout systems, a newcomer to the field of exercise products needs a fresh edge. Enter the "Body of Christ" workout and training system, a comprehensive workout and nutrition regime for achieving peak performance of body, mind and soul.
Customer service representative Chris Moakley of BBJ (Body By Jesus, a joint venture of Pontius Pilates and Chuck Norris Industries) told UnNews, "This product gives consumers an unprecedented opportunity to achieve optimal fitness, in accordance with Scripture. It even comes with a '""salvation or your money back guarantee"."
Says 17% shareholder in BBJ, televangelist Pat Robertson, "in advance of the Rapture, we want all devout Christians to have every advantage. For those of the righteous left behind to confront the forces of Satan, they'll want to be in tip-top shape, like me. That's why I recommend Body By Jesus for all you believers out there."