UnNews:Jay Cutler ready to be sacked in playoffs
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jay Cutler ready to be sacked in playoffs
Where man always bites dog
Saturday, October 22, 2016, 22:09:UTC)(
6 January 2011
LAKE FOREST, Illinois -- This season isn’t only the first time in Jay Cutler’s five-year NFL career that he’ll participate in the playoffs. It’s also the first time the Chicago Bears quarterback will be able to watch himself on television being sacked in the playoffs.
Jay Cutler led the Bears to an 11-5 record and a first-round bye in the playoffs this season, sparing them from having to play a game against the likes of The Seahawks, the first team in history to make the playoffs with a losing record.
After spending four years on the outside looking in, watching other QBs (including former Bears QB Rex Grossman) be sacked, the veteran quarterback is thrilled to be making his initial trip to the playoffs as a division champion.
“It’s very hard,” Cutler said. “To get sacked week after week, and still go out there, and to still play, it’s even harder. Some guys go to the playoffs every year; a lot of them never even get sacked.”
Mr. Cutler isn’t the only key member of the offense who has yet to appear in an NFL playoff game. Running back Matt Forte, tight end Greg Olsen (younger brother of the Olsen Twins) and receivers Johnny Knoxville and Earl Bennett (a descendant of the Earl of Sandwich) also will be making their postseason debuts. On the other hand, the Bears defense is stocked with experienced veterans, though most of them can't even remember how the playoffs function, as it's been so long time for them.
“There is obviously going to be some pre-game jittery stuff,” Jay said. “I'll likely sit on the sidelines and make one of those stupid faces I have a propensity for making. I'm just looking forward to that first sack. I'll know I'm playing in the playoffs then! The second and third time won't be as special, but they'll still be important.”
“I think the guys know the magnitude of the playoffs and what a good position we’re in. But at the same time we’ve got to take care of one game at a time, keep running the offense and executing and doing the little things. Except protecting the quarterback. That's something that just won't do... That's something we just can't do.”
“I’m not going to change anything,” Cutler said. “I don’t think anybody in this building is going to change anything. We’re going to go about it in the same manner we have the past 16 games and prepare the same and Mike is going to give us a game plan next Wednesday and we’re going to go with it. It'll likely involve throwing a oblong ball made of pigskin through the air. But we're not sure about that right now.”
Cutler continued, “I know I'm going to get sacked. I really can't wait. My first sack of the postseason!”
“I'm going to get late hits on me, too. And, I also know that I'm most likely going to throw the ball to the wrong team. When those things happen, I definitely know that I'm going to make stupid faces; I'm going to have a dumbfounded look when I throw an interception. But, most of all, I know that I'm going to try to play my best, because that's what Mike Martz and Lovie Smith want me to do.”
“Changing things up? Preparing a QB? I’ve always felt that was unnecessary,” Offensive Coordinator Mike Martz said. “Kurt [Warner] went through that; obviously it was his first time. But they know; Cutler has been around. He's been sacked over 40 times this season! He can handle it.”
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|